Livin' Large

Things are going well. Let me clarify--my outlook on the chaos in my life is going well. I have a busy, full, chaotic life and it's normal for me to rush around in order to leave the house on time, or to forget something from my huge, ever-changing to-do list, and this week has been no different. What has been different is my attitude towards it.

I'm also learning how to prioritize for me. I have a friend who is always getting involved in things--volunteering with: a cat shelter, community theater and a crisis hotline; attending various events, participating in yoga classes, etc. I asked her recently how she does it all while taking care of her adult responsibilities because for me, the adult responsibilities never allow me time for much else. She explained that she would go nuts if she didn't balance her life with things outside of work and home. She admitted that her house is pretty cluttered most days, and I admitted that I spend a lot of time trying to keep my house clean, that I can't stand clutter. She said that I need to find what's important to me and not be concerned with anything else.

That was a few weeks ago and I've just started putting it into action. About 2 weeks ago I decided to spend a few hours cleaning (even dusting which I NEVER do). I thought about what I was doing as I did it and noticed that I feel a connection with myself when I clean. My home is me, everything in it is a part of me, so caring for my home is in actuality caring for me. I feel so good when I walk into a clutter-free, clean home--it's inviting and feels like open arms welcoming me in. Like life, I sometimes have to purge what's no longer working, letting go of things that I've needlessly held onto for too long. When I toss these things into the trash, my spirit is lifted. A few months ago I had to toss away cetain family members that were weighing me down, and my spirit was lifted then too.

One of my biggest mental poblems is thinking of all that I'm not doing/getting done while doing something else (not doing homework while gocery shopping, not cleaning while doing homework, etc.), and wondering how what I'm doing will be accepted in the world (i.e. clean house but fat body). We live in a world where everything is seen and judged. We can't watch a commercial without being told we aren't good enough. I see photos of celebrities with gogeous culs in their hai and I feel small because my fine, staight hair won't hold curls. The other day I realized that my hair is fine the way it is. I can wash it, brush it, and let it air dry, or I can blowdry it in five minutes and add a bit of body to it. Because I CAN'T spend hours at a time styling my hair, I'm freed up for other things (plus I can drive with the car windows down on a nice day).

This has been sort of all over the place, but this is where my mind is right now too, so, yeah . . .

:-D