Dreaming for a Day

I am at such an amazing place in my life right now that I stand stunned trying to comprehend it all. I have finally dealt with all the bad from the first half of my life and have finally, FINALLY, moved past it. I have removed from my life the negative elements that would never support all the things I want to do and all my future achievements. I wouldn't have much of a chance with those influences in my life and I'm tired of lowering my standards just to protect myself from being in the shit-line of fire.

Now I'm seeing all sorts of possibilities and have a lot of things that I want to try, such as rock climbing, jogging and taking a solo vacation. I'm also very excited about dating because for the first time in my life I'm going to look for the type of man I've always wanted but didn't believe I deserved. Just for fun I took a look at a dating site and specified the criteria that are most important to me: college degree, active, loves to travel, enjoys live theater, is a nonsmoker, light- or nondrinker, et al. As I read the bios these men had written, I started imagining the possibilities for dating such as intelligent conversation, someone who can cook with me (or even for me!), and . . . there are no words, just a feeling that can't be explained. I have always, always, always settled in the worst ways possible when it comes to men. I've had the helpless, the addicted, the cruel, the manipulative and worse. I've fought so hard to make those relationships work, but all along the key has been to fight for myself before the first hello.

I'm really looking forward to dating because it will be an entirely brand new experience for me. Until then, I'll keep working on me and and will enjoy the wonderful experiences that I'll have in the next few months. In other words, I'll be Livin' Large.

:-D