Day 1, Part II: Today's issue

Lately I've been afraid to step on the scale, but today I felt lighter and able to suck in my belly more than I could last week (oh last week, the monthly visit). I've been in a rather positive mood as well which is of utmost necessity when facing scary high numbers. My weight bothers me but I've come to terms with it, however, unless ready to make changes, knowing my actual weight will do nothing but make me feel sad and frustrated.

So I did it. I got on the scale. Twice (just to be sure). 261.6 lbs. The most I've ever weighed. Recently two people told me that I've been losing weight, but I guess it just shifted around a bit while collecting more friends (a.k.a. fat globules) because I'm 5 lbs heavier than I was a few months ago. BUT, because I stuck to my rule of facing the scale only when in a positive mood, I'm OK with it. I've started feeling not-so-good when I eat sugar and fried food, and have been craving clean food. This morning I ate a plate of fruit for breakfast. I NEVER do that!! But I loved it.

Much has happened through the course of my life to make food an addiction, and much has happened in the past few months (and past few weeks) to give me the strength to let go of it. While I've desperately asked, "Can't we all just get along?" of certain people in my life, recent events have shown me that no, we cannot. Although I'm still in the process of accepting the things I cannot change (thank you Pre-Alateen), I've started changing what I can--me! I've effectively removed myself greatly from one person's life, and the strength I have from that one step has made me stronger all around. Yay!!

My life is crazy; plans hardly ever work out and often I am suddenly faced with an event that demands immediate attention (broken down cars, child who needs helps, a loved one gets hurts, court cases, financial woes, etc.). I tried to start a workout program last May, but I only made it to the gym twice. TWICE!! You have no idea how mad I was that life was actually preventing me from taking care of myself! But now things have eased up significantly and I'm no longer spending hours at a time on the couch (with plates of food on my lap) in retreat from all the chaos surrounding me.

Wish me luck though cuz I'm sure gonna need it.

LL :-)

Day 1 (and it's a Monday!!)

I have considered writing a blog for a few weeks, mostly when ideas and thoughts hit me that I'd like to share with the general public, such as parenting, politics, ongoing education, and weight loss. I've heard more than once from friends and co-workers that "she likes to share." I believe that what we learn should be shared so that others may benefit. I can't tell you how many times I heard or read something that caused me to view a situation completely differently, and it's these eye-opening experiences that lead me closer to the truths of life.

I've named the blog LivinLarge because it encompasses everything about me: volunteer projects, work projects and educational focuses. I am not satisfied with sitting still for too long. Unfortunately there are other large aspects of my life that get in the way: 20 years of weight issues, PTSD (recently conquered), negative family members and personal self-destructive thoughts. At any given moment I can be wrapped up in one or more of these things. At any given moment I can feel like the stars are aligned to make for a perfect day, while other moments feel chaotic, disorganized and directionless. I assure you I am not bipolar, just pushed to my mental and emotional max a lot.

So that is my introduction. I intend to keep certain things private in the hope that this blog will never trace back to me. I want to be open and honest, and some things I will write could hurt me or other people if I'm not protective of certain delicate information. I will share tidbits of who I am as is necessary, but one will have to read through many blogs to figure out who I am (I'm not going to divulge it all in on paragraph).

Welcome, and thank you for your time. :-D