Yesterday I didn't do anything with my paper until 4 p.m., a mere 2 hours before my man came over for dinner and a movie. I completely avoided it alllllll day, and I'm just not sure why. I've been seeing a school counselor for a couple of months trying to figure it out. I thought it was just procrastination but it's much bigger. There are no deadlines to use as stepping stones to the finished product, and I'm having a very difficult time self-regulating (any suggestions would be much appreciated). I'm overwhelmed with the size of this thing too. Finally, I think I'm just bored with it. I've been working on this for over a year and I'm sick of it. What's a gal to do?
I worked on it from 10:30 p.m. - 12:30 a.m. and had to stop because it just was not making any sense any more LOL. I spent the next 75 minutes doing dishes and getting ready for today. Today is going to be a long, full day but I'm looking forward to it. We have an event at work tonight which is our time to shine. I love entertaining and part of that is the food that's served. I always want to WOW people with a creative spread, so at work I oversee the catering. Anyone who loves food understands the excitement that comes from planning a menu and seeing it come to fruition, especially when others are doing all the work LOL.
I weighed myself and today I'm 261.8 which is .2 lbs more than I was three days ago, however I am retaining water because I sat at my computer all day yesterday. If I'd remember to get up once an hour and move around this wouldn't happen, but it's too darn easy to get lost in whatever I'm doing at the time.
I feel really good today, and for that I'm extremely thankful. I've been sleeping better and sleeping less. I think this blog is helping me get my thoughts and emotions in line with where I want to be: positive, energetic and uplifted. At this point no one is even reading the blog and that's OK. I have to wait for strangers to stumble upon it because I'm not sharing this with family and friends. If I did that, I'd be editing my true emotions, thoughts and weight and I don't want to do that. This really is a public diary and I think that's really cool :-)
Goals for today:
- Finish tonight's homework by noon (it's 10 a.m. now)
- Eat mindfully, particularly at the event tonight. I will enjoy the food but not go overboard. My goal is to not leave with pain in my tummy from overeating.
- Feel good about myself. Feel pretty regardless of the beauty conventions that I may not currently meet.
- Love my man. I hold back a lot of myself because until recently our entire relationship has been painful (more on this another day)
What I am thankful for:
- Being given another day to enjoy my life, to be with the people I love and do the things I enjoy
- Being healthy enough to have the above
- Living in a home filled with windows that bring in the absolutely magnificent sunlight. It's November 11 and it's as bright as summer and nearly as warm! :-D
- Although I'm not where I want to be in terms of weight and academic focus, I'm not letting it get me down and I'm facing the day with hope
Wish me luck!
LL xoxo
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