So I did it. I got on the scale. Twice (just to be sure). 261.6 lbs. The most I've ever weighed. Recently two people told me that I've been losing weight, but I guess it just shifted around a bit while collecting more friends (a.k.a. fat globules) because I'm 5 lbs heavier than I was a few months ago. BUT, because I stuck to my rule of facing the scale only when in a positive mood, I'm OK with it. I've started feeling not-so-good when I eat sugar and fried food, and have been craving clean food. This morning I ate a plate of fruit for breakfast. I NEVER do that!! But I loved it.
Much has happened through the course of my life to make food an addiction, and much has happened in the past few months (and past few weeks) to give me the strength to let go of it. While I've desperately asked, "Can't we all just get along?" of certain people in my life, recent events have shown me that no, we cannot. Although I'm still in the process of accepting the things I cannot change (thank you Pre-Alateen), I've started changing what I can--me! I've effectively removed myself greatly from one person's life, and the strength I have from that one step has made me stronger all around. Yay!!
My life is crazy; plans hardly ever work out and often I am suddenly faced with an event that demands immediate attention (broken down cars, child who needs helps, a loved one gets hurts, court cases, financial woes, etc.). I tried to start a workout program last May, but I only made it to the gym twice. TWICE!! You have no idea how mad I was that life was actually preventing me from taking care of myself! But now things have eased up significantly and I'm no longer spending hours at a time on the couch (with plates of food on my lap) in retreat from all the chaos surrounding me.
Wish me luck though cuz I'm sure gonna need it.
LL :-)
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