Time to Relax (or, Not Much to Say)

Yesterday's goal:

1. to enjoy the day and do whatever made me happy I did this and of course it was easy! I didn't get any work done, but I wanted to just have a fun, chill day. I went to dinner with my man after work and we visited a friend and went out for dessert (a small one).

________________________

I went to my termination session of counseling yesterday and it went so much better than I had even imagined. I told her how good I've been feeling lately and that the reason why is because I've FINALLY shaken off the one person in life who has always held me down and made me feel bad about myself. I don't miss this person at all. I knew he/she was bad for me but I had no idea what the effect on me was until a few weeks after letting the relationship go. I wish this had come sooner in my life, but I think the way it happened was exactly how it HAD to happen in order for the break to occur. I'm certain it would not have been a clean, effective break if events had occurred differently.

I know, I know, I'm writing very cryptically, and for that I apologize. At some point, when there's no chance of retaliation for complete open and honest writing, I will open up about this. But this person has had a control over me my entire life and any time I've stood up for myself, the punishment has been cruel and harsh.

I just want to make it through the next couple of years so that I can earn my degree and move to another state, far enough away to (possibly, hopefully) never have to see this person again. It really is the only way because even now he/she could pretty easily suck me back in. For example, if there's an emergency, I'm certain I'd be called upon. If I said no, I won't help, the backlash would be insane, and I would not be the only one to suffer (and I don't like seeing people I love suffer), so it was be very difficult.

Anyhow, I'm starting to get an overwhelming negative/angry sort of feeling from writing about this, so I'm going to move on to today's goals:

1. Be active, physically and mentally (sit around less, and when I am sitting don't just watch T.V.--do homework, pay bills, sew, etc.)
2. Relax emotionally

Things I am grateful for:

• My personal strength
• My ability to truly love and care even though I was never shown how
• My close friends who rejoice with my accomplishments and hug me when I need it
• Being alive
• All of my loved ones are healthy and alive as well

LL xoxo