Eh ...

Wow, it's been a few days since I've written but I have avoided it because I haven't felt very positive. But what fun would it be to just read about all the sunny-happy-smiley stuff? If I'm opening myself up, I have to really do it, but it's scary exposing myself this way. Oh well, on with the show.

So I've been very tense from the stress of work and school. It's the end of the semester and I have a VERY full plate. I've been battling boredom with the work I'm doing, and let me tell you, I'm losing the battle. I have avoided working on school assignments which of course only makes matters worse, but that logic has not worked for me. Now I can see the deadlines fast approaching and I have no other option but to get to work. Funny thing is, even though I would be stressed out, this is the when I do my best work. Of course I could've done all of this weeks ago, but there wouldn't have been anything pushing me on, urging me to stay focused. Crazy, I know, and I've tried this semester to change it (have been successful in many ways actually) but I've hit a wall and have no desire to crawl around it.

Other than school I'm actually doing quite well. There are lots of fun things coming up at work and I'm really enjoying the creative freedom I've been given. I just have so much to do there that, in my mind, the ever-growing to-do list in my head keeps colliding with the mashup of schoolwork I have to do. My poor head, not exactly a relaxing place right now.

Yesterday I would've normally stayed home to (avoid) do schoolwork but I had to work ALL DAY to help with meetings. I was a bear and not very agreeable to my boss or other people. At the first meeting I sat in silence because I needed to, but at the second meeting I spoke up ... too much. My diagreements came out too aggressively and this morning I apologized to my boss for this. Of course I made yesterday worse on myself by a) staying in bed too late (a popular avoidance technique of mine), and b) not showering. I got up at THE LAST MINUTE with just enough time to get dressed, brush my hair and rush off to work, and that was NOT good. I have found that the simple act of taking a shower can lift my spirits in an uncanny way. I have hair that must be washed daily, so I went to work with unclean hair; add to this that I didn't wash my face or even BRUSH MY TEETH (I know, very gross) and it was a recipe for emotional disaster. I am kinesthetic (ie: I feel my surroundings), so being trapped in an unclean body made me very uncomfortable. But, I did it to myself. I was lying in bed ignoring the clock, knowing the consequences.

Well today I did the exact opposite. I was out of bed at 8 a.m. (1-2 hour earlier than normal for days when I'm working from home) and took a shower instantly. I did some light cleaning, and while eating breakfast I read a book for school instead of watching T.V. I've done very little productively since then, but I feel great! :-) LOL

My goals for today are:

1. Do whatever I can for school (I can't handle specifics right now)

I am grateful for:

• Having the opportunity to catch up on my work
• Knowing that I will get all or almost all of my work completed and turned in on time
• Being a hardworking employee
• Successfully running a home in spite of having practically no help
• Still having a little bit of money to fall back on until our next student loan refunds
• Having excellent friends who love me
• Being surrounded by good people
• Accepting myself

Interesting note here--I didn't want to do the "I am grateful for" because I don't feel particularly grateful right now, but the point of doing it is so I FEEL grateful, and today it worked. I had to stop myself cuz once I got started, more and more things popped into my head to be appreciative of.

LL xoxo