Falling Short or Moving Ahead?

I'm doing my best not to panic about my schoolwork. I'm getting very little done each day, partly because I allow myself to be distracted by things at home (cleaning, laundry, T.V., netsurfing) and partly because things demand my attention (cleaning, laundry) or force my attention away (child gets home from school 5 hours earlier than planned, child fights with friend in my living room). So yesterday I headed to my favorite coffee house because it's a place where I can focus. I worked on my paper for 3 solid hours, but guess what? It's still not done *sigh* Hopefully today will be it.

Last week I started watching the current season of The Biggest Loser and I just can't get enough (hmm, distraction). My man has stayed at my house during his time off from work so he's been watching with me. Last night after an episode ended he told me I should try out to be on the show because he thinks I'd really kick butt at it. He then said that he knows the show is an inspiration to me and I had to force back the tears becuase he's right. Last spring I watched TBL and Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution and I started to eat better and feel better. I really need these positive things in my life.

I've been thinking a lot about my weight and what got me to this point and how I've allowed it to overtake my life. I am a very active person and I enjoy getting out and living, but I found out last summer that I can't do that anymore because I don't fit in certain public seats (live theater, airplanes), other things would be too difficult for me to do (hiking, sitting in a canoe, walking long distances while on vacation) and yet others would just be to embarrassing (swimming, rock climbing, riding a bike, roller blading). I've noticed that I have trouble getting off the couch or out of the recliner now, and my jeans are so uncomfortable when I sit that I have to unbutton AND unzip them. I've never been this big before, close but not exactly.

One of the contestants said that after being voted off of TBL, he scheduled 3 workouts per day--one before work, one after, and one after dinner. Each one was at least an hour long. He said that it was a tough commitment to stick to but he knew it had to be done. I can't say that I can do three a day, but I should be able to work out once a day. I spend a lot of time sitting around being unproductive so there obviously is time in my day.

The second part to getting healthy is food. Our food stamps were cut by 25% recently. What we used to get was perfect for us and came to $100 a week. It's hard for two people to eat on just $14 a day. That's 3 meals for two people which comes to about $2 per person per meal. A jar of spaghetti sauce at the discount grocer is $1, past is about the same, and then there's a salad ($4), bread ($2) and parm cheese to put on top. That's more than half of a day's budget. Now imagine that I start cooking really healthy meals with fresh produce and I leave out processed food (canned goods, boxed meals and frozen meals)--the cost will double or triple! What I have to do is make 3 weeks worth of food stamps stretch to 4 weeks, and then stretch it even more so that we can eat healthy food. I'm fine with paying cash for the difference but right now I don't have any to spare. I had to borrow $300 from my man in order to get through until mid-January when the refunds roll in.

So it's 1:30 and I need to eat so I'm going to have lunch and get back to my paper. Wish me luck.

Goals for today:

1. Finish my paper, one way or another
2. Start writing the "methods" section of my thesis
3. Email Chris the coding system
4. Be kinder to my man

What I am thankful for:

• Having a man who really, truly loves me regardless of how I look or act
• Having a warm safe home for my family and my kitties
• Being blessed with a really good writing ability that helps me earn high grades
• Learning to really love myself, no matter how I look

LL xoxo