Where to Go Now?

low-to-mid 250s

As I stated in my last post, I've been frustrated lately with my inability to manage my life. Even though I'm quick to share internal feelings with friends, I typically work things out internally, letting my thoughts simmer over a few days or weeks until I've had the chance to look at all the options and possible solutions. Unfortunately it didn't work for me this time, so I just sort of gave up; not in a defeatist way, but in a let-it-all-go way. I can see now that it's exactly what I needed.

A and I went to Branson for a few days of R&R, our first getaway in 18 months; our first getaway alone in nearly 2 years. I slept like a log, a LOG I tell ya, all three nights. I was in bed before midnight each night and almost immediately sank into a deep sleep. No drifting or slipping off gently to a sweet slumber. I crashed, hard, each night, and when I woke up, I was awake and ready to go. A said I snored which is a sign of how exhausted I've been. There are many signs that one has become an adult, and one of them is when one uses vacation time to do nothing in order to get the rest they don't get at home (whereas younger folks don't sit still).

So as of this moment I've kicked the insomnia I've suffered for the past couple of months. My mind is clear (not racing with thoughts of everything I'm NOT doing) and I'm completely calm and relaxed. I feel absolutely nothing pressing on me, and it's wonderful.

As for my diet, there wasn't a carb I said no to, and I don't regret it. My diet has been an added stress, mostly because it's so strict. Unlike a low-cal diet where you can indulge for a meal or a day without serious repercussions, I've found that the low-carb diet is much less forgiving. If I eat pizza for dinner, it'll be a full week before I see more weight come off. It sucks! It's not realistic. It's summertime and it's hot, and I'd like to have a scoop of low-sugar ice cream from my favorite family-owned frozen custard shop every so often, but no chance if I want to see the numbers on the scale continue decreasing.

Here's the thing--I've lost weight before with no trouble by doing low-cal/low-fat. It was super easy too because I could pack premade granola bars in my bag for on-the-go snacks, have low-cal popcorn while watching a movie, etc. Problem is, I've mentally bought into the low-carb diet, so I'm not sure what to do. Actually, I am sure. I'll have to adjust my diet to fit my lifestyle. I can still stay away from bread, white pasta, white potatoes and processed food, but I shouldn't feel guilty about eating a banana (a SUPER easy take-along snack) or some popsorn.

So that is what I'm doing this week--I'm going to take it a day at a time and figure out the best way I can do this. I am tired, and I am tired of constantly reading, planning, running, preparing and scheduling every little detail of my life, especially my food.