When does a journey start? When we are conceived or born? On a Monday? January 1st? Are our lives made up of many different journeys or is it all one journey that just goes different directions?
I have been on a self-improvement journey since I was about 13-years-old. I am 40-years-old now and my goal of being a better person, a calm, relaxed, happy person is not far off. I've spent 27 years surviving and then trying to undo those survival techniques that now just hurt me and others in my life. For the first time ever . . . let that sink in because it is not an exaggeration . . . until now there has never been a time in my life when I wasn't suffering from anxiety issues. I've battled my family all of my life, begging them to just love me, but I finally realized that it would never get better so I cut them from my life. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Just look at what has happened since then: I lost 20 pounds, my anxiety is nearly gone, I take much better care of myself and I've become a much better friend, mother and significant other (even got engaged). The proof is in the pudding.
I've spent the past 6 months learning as much as I can about the effects that food has on the health status of a body. I lost 20 pounds over 2 months by adhering to a low-carb diet. I stopped because I plateaued (although I didn't realize it at the time) but I didn't continue because it was just too difficult to maintain. I am not able to cook every meal, and it takes a lot of time to prepare so much in advance. When I did, my daughter and her boyfriend would often eat it before I had the chance. I'm not one to deny someone food, so I don't feel badly about that, but it did add to the challenges.
Three years ago I attended a workshop about raw food and was very impressed with what I heard and tasted. However, it was not the right time for me. It's not a cheap way to eat, and when I tried it for a few days, my daughter fended for herself making mac 'n' cheese and other junk food because I was too busy preparing my own stuff.
I've read books and articles and watched numerous documentaries about food since then and have made some changed along the way. I rarely eat at a fast food place and when I do it's either a sandwich shop or Jack in the Box (their burgers just seem more real than the other places). I mostly eat at restaurants that make food from scratch, so even if what I eat isn't very healthy, it wasn't premade a year ago, frozen, and then dropped in a fryer when I ordered it. Finally, two months ago I decided that I'd like to use my money for things other than dining out. After bills, the majority of my money has always gone to dining out, hundreds of dollars each month. I've always worn unflattering cothes because I couldn't afford any better, however that has changed. I've spent a few hundred on clothing lately in order to build my professional wardrobe (I'll be job hunting very soon) and I've learned a few tricks to stretch my food budget (and it's not by buying the cheapest ingredients).
I signed up for an online cooking school two months ago and it has really changed how we eat at home. For one, it has made it much more enjoyable for me because I feel confident about what I'm doing. I get excited about trying new techniques and recipes, and my family sees it as a treat now, not a poor-man's substitute to more exciting meals at restaurants. I use fresh ingredients, never anything that's processed aside from a bit of flour to make sauces.
All of this has led up to my next food venture: a plant-based diet. I don't believe the transition will be too difficult because I've already stopped eating fast food and have learned to cook with fresh vegetables. Yesterday I watched the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead." It's about a man who wants to turn his health and life around and does so by sticking to a strict juicing diet for 60 days, after which he has lost nearly 100 pounds but better yet is no longer sick. He meets a man with the same health issues but who is much bigger at 429 pounds. He helps this man who follows the same diet and has the same results. Both now travel and speak about the wonders of a plant-based diet and how it flushes the body of all the crap (literally and figuratively) and rebuilds it to become its best self.
I suffer from depression and frequent fatigue. I am not excited to get up in the morning and I am having memory problems. My activities are limited by the size of the seats at different establishments (there are booths with large bench seats at restaurants for all the fat and growing butts and guts, but tiny seats at theaters and on airplanes) and it's hard to move around sometimes because I bump into things and people. In just 7 months I will finish school, start a new career and get married, and I want to do it all with me at my very best, so I am going to start a 15-day cleanse next Monday (October 24). This means I have 6 days to prepare. I've put together a checklist for this week and will gradually begin to eliminate certain things from my diet in preparation for the cleanse. As of today sugar & caffeine are off of the menu, tomorrow it's dairy and Thursday it will be meat, poultry and seafood. This sounds radical but I'm actually looking forward to it. I feel great about this, which is a sign that I'm ready. There is going to be all kinds of food all around me at all times--I've already accepted that. I will take my own food with me or have whatever I can from a menu. "A" and I can still dine out, I will simply choose salads, steamed vegetable plates and fruit plates just like I would at home. Speaking of "A," I told him a short while ago about my plan and he's in complete support; he even said he'd like to try some of my food :-D I knew that would happen LOL
Weight loss is honestly the last reason why I want to do this. Being thin is nothing if I don't have the energy to live, and that's what I want, emotionally I am ready to live, now I just have to bring my body up to speed.
Wish me luck!
LL xoxo
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