Ugh

Not feelin so great today and I'm not exactly sure why. I had a great day yesterday, full of energy and fun, but today has been a complete 180 from yesterday. I started to have a panic attack but I did what I could to push it away.

It did not take full force, however it was very challenging to deal with because I was also dealing with "A" constantly asking me if I'm O.K., if I needed anything, constantly wanting to touch me (hugs, etc.) and even brought up having sex. He's been pushing the issue off-and-on for a couple of hours, even insisting that he "knows" that he's done something wrong and just wants me to talk to him. No matter what I said he wouldn't leave me alone. Finally, I stopped talking or even looking at him. I received a few wonderful moments alone while baking in the kitchen and even felt badly for him. He may have Asberger's (still waiting for the results) so I understand that it upsets him when I'm not feeling really well. I was trying to calm myself down enough so that I could give him a bit of attention. Unfortunately, when he came into the kitchen he started back up again telling me that he knew it was him. I lost it (but on a very small scale, no screaming or throwing him out of the house). I told him a couple weeks ago that he would rather I scream at him than remain quiet, and it's true. I reminded him of this. I told him that, just as I'm learning how to handle his Asberger's, he needs to learn how to hande my bad days. I'm human, I have bad days. I don't do what I did when I had PTSD (throw things, confine myself to my room) which is so great, but I'm still learning how to deal with bad feelings in general. I've tried everything I could today and it hasn't worked (took a nap, took a break from working to have a snack and watch a T.V. show), so I've accepted that this is an off day and I'm keeping quiet.

How am I supposed to take care of myself the best way I can (in this case by keeping to myself) while also taking care of him (which would be the opposite of what I want and need right now: hugging, CONSTANTLY reassuring him that everything's O.K.)?

I just want this day to end so I can start all over tomorrow.