When I read that it bothered me because she was right, but the problem is that by only sharing your success, it can make it harder for others who need to be inspired. People committing to changing negative aspects of their lives need to see how other folks overcame challenges so that when they themselves face challenges they can say, "Well (insert blogger name here) said it was tough for the first week, so I just need to push through this time and it will get easier." This type of blogger honesty is also great for readers to learn tips on coping with the difficult times.
While it's not easy, this is why I've decided to be honest and share the bad as well as the good. Eating has been my strongest coping mechanism since I was 14-years-old. In case you don't already know how old I am, that's 26 years of perfecting a crutch that could be used at gatherings with other people or hidden alone in my house when no one could criticize. I recently shared with a friend how ingrained non-activity and eating are to people like myself, and that it's not just about making a bit of time to get to the gym or switching french fries for carrots, but I'll get into that on another day in another post.
The point is, losing weight and getting healthy is freakin' hard. Some days I'm all Jane Fonda excited about it, but other days it stops me in my tracks and brings me to tears, which brings me to today . . .
This was a terribly emotional day, mostly because the insanity of the semester is hitting me and I am terrified (yes, terrified) that it will get in the way of my efforts. I am in this physical shape because everything else has always come first, but I'm finally strong enough to stand up and fight for a better me. I think that's why the number on my scale upset me so much today--if there isn't any improvement now with all of this dedication, what hope can I have if my schedule forces me to work out less often? (Note: I have since heard from my trainer that my efforts are indeed paying off, but this is how I was feeling up until then.) This must be why I didn't enjoy my time at the fitness center Monday night. Funny how we sometimes feel something is wrong before we even understand the cause.
So once again, for the sake of honesty, let me tell you how I ended my day. I took a nap because I'm super tired and haven't gotten enough sleep the past few nights. This was O.K. because my body needed some rest. However, I didn't work out as I had planned. Actually, I didn't do anything tonight at all. I completely shut down--didn't work on my growin'-like-a-weed to-do list, and worst of all, I didn't eat anything for dinner. Not one single thing. I did not want to cook but because I'm feeling so anxious I didn't want to go anywhere near a restaurant, convenience store or a business that sells chips and ice cream. Yeah, it was that bad tonight.
Some would say I should have gone to the fitness center anyway because that's where I need to turn when feeling anxious. Others would say that I made the right choice to stay home for one night. All I know is that tomorrow is another day and I'm going to do everything I can to put this one behind me.
Stacy-
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I've always absolutely loved about your blog/updates on facebook is that you were being real. It's really hard to put out something you consider a flaw to the world and telling everyone you are going to change it. I think it is harder to admit mistakes you are making along the way.
The fact is we all make mistakes or slack with whatever goals we have. I think we've all gotten it into our heads that if we are going to go for something, you've got to work at it and do nothing but until it's accomplished. Sure, we have to work hard, but it doesn't mean we don't slip or that we don't deserve a break every now and then.
I get told sometimes, or I get "the look" that I don't know what people are feeling because I "don't need to lose weight," or I'm "not overweight and don't need to do anything." But 1)I currently am trying to lose a little weight and start to maintain a certain weight because I know my metabolism is finally starting to slow down-lol. I don't think some people realize how hard it is to lose weight once you are at a certain point either. So, in some sort of sense, I do know to an extent despite what people might say or think.
On the other hand, I have a lot of goals I want to achieve. Putting the weight loss thing aside, you have to work hard at anything you want in life, and I definitely know what that is like. And, I can definitely relate to a busy schedule.
Like I told Jenny, it's easy to get discouraged...but what I try to do is focus on what I HAVE accomplished instead of what's all left to accomplish. It's not easy when there are people around you who have achieved it already, or things seem to just come easy for them. But, just realize you WILL get there and working hard for something makes you a stronger person instead of just getting something you want automatically.
It IS way more inspiring to know that you make mistakes and that in the end, it's ok. In the end, I can relate to you as a person. In the end, by sharing your flaws it says "I'm not the only one" and "She made made mistakes and still has achieved a lot."
The best advice I can give for a busy schedule is lots of organization...which I know you have :) Start making the gym a habit and pick 2 days of the week to "for sure" go. And if you reach those days and don't feel like exercising,pick your butt up and go anyway; decide on something like "Only for 10 minutes". Once you get there, you'll end up working out for a good amount of time, guaranteed (I know-easier said than done). As far as food, pick one day a week where you can splurge. Usually, that helps the cravings during the week and it gives you something to look forward to (Like, I can pass on the chocolate cake tonight. Tomorrow is my splurge day! Haha). If you tend to be a snacker like me, I have a snack box in my car full of nutrigrain bars, mini rice cakes, wheat thins, etc. I always pull one of them out if I get the munchies in between meals. This way, I don't eat an elephant for lunch, and I'm eating healthier instead of visiting a vending machine.
I'll end my rant here-haha. I hope this helped in some sort of fashion & hope it made some sort of sense (it is still kinda early!). Congrats on how far you come (& how far you'll go).Looking forward to see future updates :)
Oh, and feel free to call/message me if ya need anything :)
From Jen O, by the way ;P
ReplyDeleteHi Jen! I'm glad you told me who you were cuz I was like, "Who is this kind stranger?" LOL Everything you said was very true--go to the gym no matter what, set some sort of a schedule, and organize my time accordingly so that I can keep moving forward with my goals. I'll tell you a secret: I'm really nervous about my weigh-in tomorrow, not because I'm afraid the numbers won't be too good but because they probably will be good. When I see a result of my effort it's gonna be so hard not to burst into tears, especially since I've been so worried that there won't be a difference.
DeleteBy the way, I love your idea of keeping healthy snacks handy. I'm supposed to eat something every 2-3 hours but I've been going 6-8 hours before dinner, and it's not that I end up eating everything in sight but that I still have 1,000+ calories to eat (which I shouldn't do at 6p.m.). I've brought plenty of food to work with me today though, and I think I'm going to have to take time once a week to prepare a bunch of easy-to-grab meals and snacks. But like you said, nothing that's worth having is easy, and I went into this knowing full well how much time this commitment to good health would take.
:-D
Hi Stacy!
ReplyDeletePeople are...people (lol). They make all kinds of choices, but the strong ones pull themselves up and start fresh after they make not so good decisions, and I know you have and can again :)
It isn't always easy while working for what we want, but like Jen said, I try to look at the accomplishments and the positive changes I have made compared to what I would have done before my journey. I have had some hiccups with that advice myself, but I know you have made great strides and you are someone people can look up to and be inspired by!
-Jenny
You are right about being strong. I think I told you that I had once read that the difference between healthy folks and unhealthy folks is that healthy folks will have a junk-food meal but then eat good food the next meal, whereas unhealthy people will see this as a failure and a sure sign that they can't do well and will just throw in the towel. You and I are strong people. We've been through so much and it's too easy to use bad days as examples of the terrible people that we secretly believe ourselves to be (e.g. "See, I'm a failure and always will be."), but I think that's why picking ourselves up is a sign that there are even deeper feelings that we aren't terrible failures, and that we're approaching points in our lives where we won't allow ourselves to settle for anything less than we deserve. Thank you for being so supportive Jenny; I don't know what luck brought us all together but I am thankful that it did! :-D
ReplyDelete