Livin' Large

Not exactly sure what to write about but I feel I must make some sort of contact with the blog so that the most recent post isn't about how badly I was feeling last week.

Tuesday was not a good day, but I've been feeling better each day since then. I'm feeling a renewed sense of interest in one of my big work projects, and although this next week is jam packed with appointments and meetings, I'm looking forward to the business. I'm a very task oriented person, so these things can be very good for me.

I found out that C left home the same day I did but didn't bother to tell me. The animals went without food for nearly 2 days. I can't even find the words to describe how wrong that was. Disrespecting me is one thing, but abusing animals by not feeding them is something entirely different. We communicated a bit via texting Thursday night and it was clear that C believes I'm wrong and is nowhere near prepared to apologize. I said that it is time for C to move out, and the response was "But I don't have a car, so I have to live there until I get one." I asked what living in my house has to do with not having a car, because my car is off limits until C does the things I wrote in Tuesday's note (sincerely apologize and agree to do the things I ask on the actual days that I ask them [as apposed to never or days later]). I haven't heard a word since. Can you believe it? The stubborness? it baffles me that C is that much against being a decent human being.

I spoke with C's father and he agreed that tough love is the only recourse. I was married to C's dad at this age, working, caring for a home, paying bills . . . one time we were almost without any food, and no one could or would help us. We struggled, but we survived. I don't wish that on anyone, especially my own child, but this flat out refusal to give me the respect I deserve has pushed me too far.

For now, the house is quiet, but I'm not completely relaxed because I know that at any moment C can call or walk in through the door and unravel the peace that currently (mostly) fills this house. It's sad to feel like this about your own flesh and blood. However, I've spent the past few years pulling back emotionally because I don't want to fall apart when C makes bad choices. I can't be concerned about C's safety, not at this point. I won't be walked on and disrespected. C will always have a home here, but it is no longer unconditional. There isn't a single human being I would allow to live in my home who treats me this way. C has been, but no longer is, the exception.