I'm moving my grateful list and goals list to the top of the blog so it's easier to see.
What I'm grateful for:
- being able to see my ankles!
- losing weight
- feeling more energy than I have in years!
- being loved by a wonderfully dedicated man
- getting along with my college-aged child :-D
- go to work for a few hours
- clean the kitchen
- eat according to the diet plan
- feel good!!!
- be a friend
- fantasize about my vacation and other things I'll get to do this summer as my body gets smaller
As you can see this diet is working, very well! I've cut out all carbs aside from veggies and for the most part I'm eating healthy protein. I chose this updated version of the Atkin's diet because I have a serious problem with water retention. It's not weight related, it's activity related. I had my first office job 14 years ago and I was 100 lighter than I am now. Sitting at a desk for up to 10 hours a day proved to be a problem, one that I couldn't fix. I used to bind my feet every night with several scarves just to relieve the swelling.Now I sit more than ever and the water retention has become debilitating, preventing me from moving my body (thus unable to exercise, clean the house, run errands) and even keeping me from desk work (so I've lost hours at work, at the library, and doing homework). I went to a conference a few weeks ago, and between the bus ride there and back and two days of sitting, the retention was so bad that I couldn't move my ankles and my calves were so tight I could barely move the muscles. My legs were like bricks all the way up to my knees.
I tried OTC water pills, 3X the dose, and it didn't work. I've tried everything I can, so last week I decided to do Atkins and I'm SOOOOOO glad I did :-)
Another great thing about this is how energetic I am. I had my burst of energy kick in two days ago. I can't sit still! I don't get tired at all now, and I have no problem doing things from morning till night. My acid reflux has also gone away WOO HOO!!!
I track my weight at online fitness journal http://www.fitday.com/ and there is an option to set a weight-loss goal. I'm a big fan of setting small goals so I chose my birthday which is six weeks from now. I'm going to be 40! that number sounds so huge because, I've gotta tell ya, I don't FEEL 40. I feel 28! Anyhow, at three pounds weightloss per week I'll be at 245 on my big day. I looked at my weight chart for the past year and the lowest I've been is 253, so it's been a while and I'm really looking forward to it :-D I have beautiful and stylish clothes in my closet that are just begging me to wear them, and in about 6 weeks I'll be able to :-)
So for my birthday A and I are going to a Branson resort for 3 nights and I can't wait! I need a vacation like nobody's business. I haven't been away from home in over a year, and it's been nearly two years since A and I have gone away by ourselves. I don't care if it rains the whole time, I'm gettin' the heck outta dodge!
One last thing: my family. I haven't heard a thing from my mother since Monday (two days ago) and that was just an email telling me about the day trip she took with her friend last week. I haven't received a response from my sister, and I doubt that I ever will. I was so down on Sunday, realizing that if the members of my family don't try to make things right, I will never see them again. I will be without a family. Think about that, the gravity of that. No holdiay get-togethers, no chatting about your day or sharing your accomplishments . . . none of that. That was hit me hard on Sunday, but by Monday morning I was fine. I felt free! I no longer have to pretend like I'm O.K. when I'm actually very hurt from being ignored time and time again. I don't have to listen as my mother attacks me with some BS that she says for the sole purpose of hurting me (last time she did that was last October, and it was a doozy let me tell you). I no longer have to feel the rejection from my brother as he, once again, tells me no to my invitations. I no longer have to be reminded that my sister has gone off the deep end and cut me from her life just because I told her it was wrong to skip my graduation (she knew about it nearly 2 months ahead of time--plenty of time to make arrangements). I am a good person, I care deeply about people, and in my daily actions I stand up for people. I am wholeheartedly against racism and sexism, and I am definitely not the homophobe that my sister's girlfriend/partner accuses me to be. I don't deserve to be treated as if I'm a disease that no one wants around. I don't pick fights, I don't criticize my sisters, yet I'm the outcast. It makes no sense.
But it no longer has to. I didn't realize how bad it was until I woke up Monday and felt inner peace for the first time in my life. I had no idea how much this was all integrated in my family. I never saw so much because I was raised to be this way. My mother has never loved me or treated me the way she does everyone else. She will (and clearly has) drop-kick me to the curb just to keep her relationship with my sisters, and my brother? Boy, he can do no wrong, yet he's like so many "men" today. He's in his mid-30's yet up until a year ago he was living in her basement, jobless for most of the prior 10 years, drinking with friends at all hours of the night and running up mom's bills (can you say pay-per-view porn to the tune of $200? Oh yeah). However, I have almost always had 2 jobs, sometimes 3, have raised a child almost single-handedly, attend school full-time (honor student thank you very much), and care for my home. I've learned to do auto repair in order to a) save money and b) not get snowed by mechanics. I shovel snow and cut grass. I keep everything well-stocked, we never go without shampoo or toilet paper. I cook when I can, and not crappy stuff. I make nice meals when I have the time and hardly ever fry anything. I do all of this and never say a word about it because I was yelled at if there was any thought that I might be bragging or saying things to get attention. I've taken part in some wonderful things that people don't even know about because I'm afraid to tell them (that's my family for ya).
So, do I miss my family? Not one damn bit ;-)
LL xoxo
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